[protectNserve]

Marley and Old Fire Gal-

Thanks for responding. This afternoon was horrible as I had to spend time with almost all of the parties involved, including standing honor guard, twice, with "short and curly" (that was VERY funny, Marley). As if the event wasn't enough to make me want to cry, feeling repulsed by people I respected three days ago was near unbearable. The incident is already the talk of the dept...we have a "wild one", to quote a few of the guys. I realize that right now is not the time to bring this up as we're burying one of our own tomorrow, but I will have to do something before Monday (memorial ceremony for all of the firefighters we lost this year). A few of the guys mentioned tonight how they thought it was totally out of line, so I may speak with one of them and see if he'll address it with me. My dept, like most, is very "clicky" as they say, and I'm sure no one will go with me free of apprehension.

I took the first part of my FF Survival class tonight after the wake. It was a great class but left me feeling the weight of this situation. The brass all know one another even though we have 13 depts in our town, and they all know the brass at the paid departments surrounding the area. I'm suddenly acutely aware of what this situation could cost me, and it's something that I love. So here's the dilemma, do I risk getting myself frozen out and losing any chance I have of making this a career? Or do I put my head down and try and let it roll until I can get out of there? . It's a much harder decision when the potential stakes are so high...also realize I have to make the choice. BTW: I considered going to another dept within my area but was advised that it's even worse there.

Tomorrow is the funeral...PLEASE wish me luck...

[Marley]

protectNserve,

Please don't tell me she'd pull a stunt like that at a funeral.

I think if it were me, this is what I'd do. (Disclaimer: if I knew the right thing to do in gender sensitive situations, I'd still be on the job. It may be that the best thing to do is exactly the opposite of what I'd do.)

It seems as though you're feeling some rather powerful emotions at the moment. ("feeling repulsed by people I respected three days ago was near unbearable.") That is completely understandable and perfectly natural. Bearing that in mind, what I'd probably do would be to say only what is necessary, in a perfectly civil voice, to the people involved. I wouldn't avoid them or ignore them, but I wouldn't communicate beyond what duty requires, either.

If nothing else, that would distance you from what's happening and give you time to get past the worst of the emotions. It'll be easier to think and plan once you can be in the same room with them without having your blood pressure skyrocket.

It's not a solution, but that might get you through the next week or two without incident.

Something else to consider is that the guys seem to have something to prove. At least where I am, if any man, even one completely devoted to his wife, ever saw a display like that and reacted with anything less than table pounding and cheering, his manhood would be called into question.

Go figure.

So there may be a few who were disgusted by the whole event, but they didn't feel like they could react negatively. The problem is that they may discuss it with you, but might not go to an officer with it.

Good luck at the funeral tomorrow. Remember that you're there for the deceased member and his family. Everything else is peripheral.
_________________
Marley
----------
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it up. --Henry Ford

[Marley]

Oh, and:

[smitty088]

Dear Crew,

It sounds to me like this young lady needs safety and security. And she is in the right place to receive this. I believe that if others continue to model good attire and support her she will be okay.

I would encourage the fellow crew members to protect her and provide safety. This young lady is vulnerable and can be victimized by men or women on the outside of the house.

It sounds to me like the fire house can be a 'bull dog' for her. Please take good care of her and don't allow anyone on the inside or the outside of the crew to victimize her. One day she will grow up.

As an paraprofessional educator aspiring to be a firefighter this type of behavior can be typical of a 18 year young woman. Please just be 'brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers' for her. I would hope she has some redeemable skills and strengths that placed her in the position of a firefighter besides a nice physique.

I think some kind words of encouragement from a 'father' figure at this age would be just what the doctor ordered. Kind yet firm words. To get the law involved at this point may be hasty. And we all know haste makes waste. Please practice patience first.

Thank you for allowing me to express my opinion.

Tia
_________________
TT

[protectNserve]

Becky wasn't at the funeral today. She was in (high) school. The funeral went as well as any funeral could go. Our deceased is also a veteran...the sound of taps is still ringing in my ears.

I spent some time today with a captain that is both a close friend of mine and has known Becky since she was a small child. He agreed to talk to her with me as soon as possible...away from the firehouse. I'll let you know how it goes.

At the end of the day she should be the focus of this and not the guys...can't change those that are one brain cell away from cro-magnon. At this point I'm not strong enough to tackle the issue with the guys...am going to use my reserves for Becky and see if I can't help her. Settling into the shadows with the guys just seems easier...at this point.

Thanks again for being so supportive of me with this issue. It has helped me immeasurably.