[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/23/06]

Does anyone ever feel real pumped up and energized, and then you go to work or training and it is as if the men there suck the confidence right back out of you? That is how I feel, and I don't know if other women feel this way. I do not like it and what do you do to put it to the side? Because it is affecting my performance, since I am one of the only women in my department.

I go to drill and I feel good, and then I get there and it's as if I can't do the things that I have done a million times, and I leave hating firefighting, but when I am not there I am happy and energetic and love firefighting. I don't know what to do. If anyone has any type of advice, I am willing to take it, because it is like a never-ending battle that started a year and half ago with my fire academy. It's like you get either beat down or something else every single time.

Help!

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/27/06]

I know what you are saying. I'm in a fire academy right now and I'm the only female and I constantly have to pump myself up because I'm not as fast as the guys or strong as them, and it's disturbing. As far as training, I have the same problem. They tell me, "You will get the hang of it one day; it takes time," and the other guys get right away. I hear what you are saying, believe me.

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/27/06]

I kept having this problem where I couldn't pass the feats test that I KNEW I could pass and which I had already passed. By accident on the last time I took it, I had to bring my daughter with me. She followed me the whole test cheering some and mostly watching.

Other times I had failed in front of the guys, but there was no way I could fail in front of my daughter. I passed that day, beating about 1/3 of the guys in their times. I realized I was using the wrong motivation. Another male firefighter pointed it out to me that night. He said, "A lot of men are motivated by competition and winning. Women are motivated by other things."

Find what motivates you and find something unrelated to the guys. I keep a picture of my daughter and my great grandmother now and when I do feats tests and other things, I try to visualize both of them following me. THAT may sound stupid or at least sappy, but it's much harder to fail in front of people you love than it is to fail in front of "the guys." So, in short, just find something besides the clock or the other guys to motivate you and visualize it the whole time you are performing the things that are giving you trouble right now.

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/27/06]

I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. I hope it gets better for you. It is good this website is here for you to get some support. I am not a firefighter yet but I look forward to it one day and I realize that men can be difficult at times. Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars or it is it Men are from Venus and Women are Mars oh I get so confused sometimes Keep a sense of humor it may be the only thing to pull you though it all. Take care. Keep a smile.

Tia

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/27/06]

Yes! I feel like this often. My self-esteem has taken a huge hit since joining the fire department. I discuss it with my husband all the time, and he has offered a little insight. He was like "welcome to the club". Men are not socialized to be supportive of each other. A lot of the guys are probably having a lot of the same feelings you are having, they just handle it differently or cover it up with false bravado. I cope with it by seeking out people who are positive--they are out there. Hang in there.

DJ

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/28/06]

I work in wildland fire, which has a different (sometimes better) history with women than structure, but I still run into a few boneheads. Not all guys are boneheads, but these guys are more obvious so I find it easier to learn tricks around them and the ideas about women that they seem to embody.

I've had some assignments were the guys would talk down to me (even though I'd seen more fire than they) or not pass on information for a task, instead coming and doing the work themselves. I even had a guy who was whining that he was hungry (we'd gotten cut off from our supplies for a day and a half) turn down a Luna bar because it might turn him into a woman!

Well, I ate that Luna bar myself, reminded myself that these particular guys often had to do tasks twice or three times because they didn't do them right the first and that I can find tasks that needed to be done without being told whereas they could not. Women tend to have more leg strength and less upper body. I can't do more pushups, but I could carry more than they. I try to focus on my strengths to keep my confidence up and work on my weaknesses to improve as a fire fighter. Maybe I'm not perfect, but neither are they and the better firefighters are the ones who never stop working on improving. I also started hanging around with the guys that were more positive in general. If you are in training, you have already far exceeded the abilities of either your average man or woman. Now you just need to work to improve yourself as a firefighter. There will always be someone quicker and stronger, whomever you are. There is someone out there who can beat out even the fastest guys you are working with. You need to focus on improving yourself, your skills and strength. Whether you are on the top or bottom of the ladder, remember, you are still on that ladder.

A firefighter's greatest asset is her mind, and all the push-ups in the world won't give anyone that. Learn everything you can, on the job and off, then you will have more choices as you develop your career. Use it to take care of yourself physically too. Sorry if this sounds like a pep talk, this is just what works for me. Eighteen day out state assignments with a crew of guys on a mountain somewhere leads to a steep learning curve (no pun intended .

Beth

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 3/29/06]

I feel exactly the same way. I do most everything else in my life with confidence and control and when I get to work, all of the seems to go away and I am not sure how to get that back. If you find out the answer, please pass on the information. I am sure a lot of us are in the same situation. Thank you for sharing your experience. I thought I was the only one with this problem.

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 4/3/06]

I just recently watched a story on TPT Ch 2 in Mpls/St. Paul. It told of the struggles that females have had trying to do the job that they love. I am so sorry about what every female has gone through as Fire Fighters. I hope that you ladies will accept my apologies for what the male fire fighters have put you through. Thank you all for the job that you all do for us citizens, it is a thankless job and you deserve the highest praise that we can give you. THANK YOU so very much.

Mark

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 4/4/06]

Mark,

I can't accept your apology for two reasons.

One: it appears from your message that you're not someone who has discriminated against female firefighters. (And yes, we get it from the public too.) You can't apologize for something you didn't do. You're only responsible for you.

Two: Maybe I'm bitter, but I couldn't accept an apology from anybody, even the ones who put me where I am today--out of the fire service. If every one of them suddenly had a genuine change of heart, apologized, and promised to help me get back on the job, I still couldn't forgive them.

If you're a citizen of the place where I used to work, you should be angry, too. Your tax dollars paid to hire me, equip me, and educate me. You paid big bucks to hire a firefighter who loved her job, enjoyed teaching the new folks, and was *damn* good at what she did. And, you didn't get your money's worth. All that training, all that expense, and now when you should be getting a return on that investment, I rot at a desk every day.

Don't be sorry, Mark. You've been robbed. Be very, very angry.

Marley

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 4/6/06]

It is such a relief to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am and have always been (until becoming a firefighter) very confident, eager to learn, and a friendly person. My 8 years as a firefighter have left me not trusting anyone, questioning everything I do, and wondering daily if any of this is worth the trouble. Yet, I don't quit because I could not go into the private jobs and make equal money. I have kids to try and raise until they can get out into the real world and on their own.

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 4/11/06]

I can understand what you mean about "your confidence being sucked out of you." However, I believe your confidence, strength, pride, skill, love, and passion for doing the job is completely in YOUR control. No one can take these things away unless you let them. Stop focusing on others around you. You/we are team players yes but, we also have a self-responsibility to be our own and best motivation. You are your own worst enemy. At the same time you are your own best friend. Compete with yourself and no one else. Go to work to be better than the duty day before. Learn a skill faster or better than you did last training day. When you focus on being your very best you'll find a renewed sense of motivation, poise, and power within you that you didn't know you had.

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 4/17/06]

I know how you feel sometimes. I am the only woman on my fire department, and there were times I seriously thought "is this really worth it?" The answer to that is something that you can only answer yourself. I finally had to tell myself that I was here to work and do what I was trained to do, not to make friends or try to fit in. Then, when I could relax a little bit, and quit worrying what they were saying, things actually got better. It will be like that, ups and downs, sometimes they are nice, and sometimes they aren't. Men are moody too. But, if you truly find yourself doubting your own self worth, no paycheck is worth that.

[Archived posts]

[Originally posted 5/4/06]

Come on Marley, I know that things have been tough in your department, but I feel like you are being really harsh with Mark. He seems like he has a good heart, and maybe just thanking him for his good thoughts would have been the biggest thing to do. I haven't been on the site for a while and I was surprised that you still hadn't gotten back into the fire service yet. Try not to hold EVERYONE accountable for some pitiful excuses for firefighters' stupidity. Stand above it.

Marlene

[Marley]

[protectNserve]

I don't recall who posted this but it I will reiterate it because it has worked for me many times: COMPETE WITH YOURSELF! Challenge yourself to smile in the face of the chauvanistic criticisms..show them who the bigger "man" is and they're the ones that will look like fools. Humor is a great way to deal with nasty people. Build your aresenal of comebacks and use them to diffuse the bitterness. Pity might also work...think of how awful it must feel to harbor ill will for someone based on something they can't control, like gender.

As women we poccess something more powerful than brute strength. It's called HEART and it has sustained us for centuries. I hope you find the strength to let yours carry you through this trying time. If you hold onto your bitterness then they win. YOU can't let that happen! *SISTER POWER* to you, Marley.