[westfire]

Hello all!! I am a wildland firefighter in northern Ca, It is beautiful up here this time of year and fire season is ripping!! FINALY YES!!!! Anyway I have a question to any one who can help me. I am alto knew at fighting fire, and so far I love it but Iam in a bit of a notch. I am terrified of disappointing my captain, It has gotten to the point where I can barely feel comfortable talking to him because I feel that every word that comes out of my mouth he is going to think is stupid. I feel on edge around him because of this, and the thing about it is that he has done nothing to make me feel this way, I just do, I respect him a lot and I really want a rehire next season on his engine. I make small mistakes because I am a rookie, which I beat myself up hard for and I never make them twice but I am just afraid he is going to regret not hiring some one with more experience. I have any of you felt like this? Please give advice on how to get over it.
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Terrified of disappointing my captain!!!

[Bombera5522]

We are our worst enemy. I have been through this also, not wanting Officers and FF to think I am not good enough at what I do. But you have to realize that we ALL learn from mistakes and they will happen. It makes you a better FF when you realize this and work hard not to repeat them. Dont take everything to heart because there will be FF who will have negative things to say about you no matter how hard you work, you cant make everybody like you. But if you try do your best in everything you do people will see that and respect you for it. If your Captain hasnt said anything negative to you then dont assume he is displeased with you, thats not fair to him. Maybe its because you doubt yourself just like I did in the beginning, but believe me with more time on the job you will see yourself in a different light. If this is situation is really nagging you then I would suggest you speak with your Officer. Ask him questions that will give you an idea of what he thinks of you like "Is there anything I need to improve". Open ended questions are best because you will be able to determine his impression of your abilities. It might surprise you but he may find you to be a good FF and all your worrying was for nothing. Try to think positive and Good Luck to you. Be safe out there.
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If you do your best, then no one can ask for more...but they will!!!!

[baileydonk]

Westfire,

It has been my experience (albeit it limited - two years with a small volunteer department) that if an officer is unhappy with your performance s/he will let you know in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.

Everyone makes mistakes, the disappointing people are the ones who do not learn from their mistakes, do not care about their mistakes, or continue to make the same number of mistakes as time goes on. Or the worst of the worst, in my opinion: those who try to cover up their mistakes!

Nothing in my life has made me feel more STUPID (from time to time) than firefighting. There are so many mistakes to be made! But then again, nothing in my life has made me feel more useful and proud than firefighting. There is so much to be accomplished.

If you are seriously concerned that you have weaknesses which need to be addressed, I'd suggest you meet with your Captain and ask him how he sees it and how you can improve. If it's just "rookie nervousness", hopefully you will grow out of it.

I read a GREAT article a couple of years ago - scientists did a study about confidence. They found that the more INcompetent a person was, the more OVERconfident s/he was about their skills. The more competent people tended to see their mistakes more and worry about them more. So the very fact that you are aware of your mistakes is probably a good sign... I wish I could find that article now, it was really interesting.

Take care,
Sharon

[firegirl512]

You need to learn to laugh at yourself, everyone makes mistakes.